New Moon in Sagittarius Nov 2016

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Happy New Moon in Sagittarius, my beauty babies!! We are just getting out of some pretty intense Scorpio energy, so this New Moon is coming at the right time if you are sick of your own shit and are ready to dead that old patterns and choose the new!

Last month we were deep in the energy of Scorpio. Scorpio is beautiful, beautiful energy that we need and is absolutely necessary to go deep within ourselves. Once we go to these new depths, it can be very tempting to get discouraged or stop doing the work or to give up on life or ourselves. However, the places Scorpio took us were all worth it, since we know if we want to call in abundance we must deal with the (temporary) pain of lack leaving. Everything is temporary. Everything is fluid.

Luckily for us, the Universe loves us so much and has gifted us lovely Sagittarius energy for us to tap into and use to our advantage with this New Moon. Sagittarius is a firey fire sign typically associated adventure, exploring, risk-taking, and just doing it. This is the New Moon to not hold yourself back. This is the New Moon to be renewed and energized after the insane deaths and depths of Scorpio. Don’t hold yourself back after what has been shown to you to be released. 🙂

Reflective questions:

  1. Scorpio last month gave us a lot of clarity and a lot of feelings to feel and move through. However, Sagittarius energy now gives us the chance to move away from victim mindset and back into self-empowerment. Where do you need to kick your own ass? Where do you need to take responsibility for yourself and get the eff over yourself? In the most loving way possible, of course.
  2. If you are able to kick your own ass as mentioned in number one, what types of adventure energy will you be able to allow into your life? What adventures can you go on in physical realm, and what adventure energy can you tap into in spirit realm?
  3. Going a little further with question two, if your dream life/partner/job/anything showed up today, who would you need to be to feel like you are a vibrational match to accept it? To feel like you are worthy? What would you need to do? Be? Say? Etc?
  4. Understanding that there is a very clear and important link between your boundaries and your success and freedom, what boundaries do you need to re-visit in your own energy? Reexamine? Reinstate? Reclaim? You are worthy of putting yourself first and protecting your own energy in this way.

Happy New Moon, my loves! Go forth and prosper!!

xoxo

Erin

What Counts As A “Using Problem”?: Reflections on Five Years Sober

On 29 October 2016, I joyously opened my eyes and woke to this precious life with the beautiful reality of being sober for f i v e whole years now. Five! What a miracle and a gift I do not take for granted every day.

I think about my sobriety a lot and in a lot of different ways. Sometimes I want to just have that *one* glass of wine with friends. Sometimes the familiar space of an art/music showing activates the muscle memory in my body that wants to use. Sometimes I see substances and get disgusted. Sometimes I am able to be truly present and I don’t even react to people using around me. All of these reactions are important and I honor them all as they remind me of the infinite complexities that come with my personal commitment to a substance-free life.

When I first got sober, I went into pretty intense isolation. I was a couple months into my master’s program, living in a new state where I didn’t have a lot of close friends (yet), and had a lot of school work and internship work to do. I had (consciously) wanted to stop using for at least six months before I actually did, but hey, no shame. All happens in Divine Timing. The isolation was a gift, as I am someone who is not afraid to ask for help and support but likes to do so on my own time to likes to figure it out in my own way before I begin to go public with it. The status of my life at that point set me up for a beautiful healing path.

In the beginning of choosing sobriety, there was, of course, the physical symptoms of withdrawal and the changing of what I was going to put into my body at social events. Habits shifting. Who and I talk to and in what ways. More paying attention to details. More awareness of things that always were blurry before this. I also started to read sober literature, people’s personal stories, everything I could find–it was a big world and I honestly didn’t know anyone at the time who got sober to reach out to for support. I just knew I had to stop using and trusted myself to figure it out along the way.

Of course, eventually I was guided to AA (Alcoholics Anonymous). I only went to three meetings in my life. I’ve never worked the steps. I don’t have a sponsor. In the first few years of not using, this was a source of confusion and shame for me. Am I going to relapse? Do I think I’m better than everyone? Am I blocking myself from receiving help? Is there something wrong with me? Am I bad at healing?

The answer to all of these questions is, of course, no. AA was and is not a space that was for me. I do have a copy of the Big Book and have read A Woman’s Way Through The 12 Steps but did not feel called to be involved in AA beyond that. Which is 100% okay and allowed.

I will say that AA is, of course, an incredible and magical resource and community group of people who all want to intentionally heal. I have many friends who go to AA and have loved it and when people talk to me about getting sober, of course, I always reference AA as a beautiful and free resource. But for me personally, it is not a vibrational match. I have thought about why for a long time, and I realized a lot of it has to do with the ways in which I have framed my own using problem with the using problems I grew up around.

The narrative I grew up around using and that is so often portrayed in the media, is one of violence and abuse and robbing others and losing all morals and values while under the influence. AA talks about this as being a different person completely when we are using–usually meaner and causing more harm to those around us by lashing out.

I used for almost a decade before I got sober, and I never wanted to harm externally while I was under the influence. I never got mean, never robbed anyone, never wanted to harm anyone, never drove drunk. I’m sure I wasn’t as kind and pure as I am now, but I did not turn malicious. This is not a value judgement on those who do get like that when they use, but it obviously created a huge gap in my understanding of using problems and part of why I didn’t realize how much using was harming me before I stopped.

Most of my using stemmed from it being one of the only places I felt like I had agency and control over my own life at a young age. I couldn’t move away or support myself financially enough to physically leave my environment, but if I was under the influence, I could leave my body mentally enough to survive. Plus, I could control what was going into my body (even though it was harmful), which gave me the illusion of safety and reclaiming personal power.

I was also a high-functioning user. My grades never, ever slipped. I was in all honors and AP classes. I played varsity sports. I maintained multiple jobs. I got into the number one grad program in the country for my major. I was excelling in pretty much everything I tried/was doing. There were no “signs” that I was using to a harmful extent that damaged my ability to show up and be responsible.

And there wasn’t because who was being harmed? Me. My energy. My connection to Source. I couldn’t think or decide or exist with full clarity and abundance because my energy was under the influence. And because I never took it out on the external world, it didn’t register in my mind as a using problem for a long time.

I do not judge or reject myself for using to the extent that I did. It was a survival tool. In AA they talk about having gratitude for our co-dependent behaviors because they kept us alive. Yes, we need to grow past them and put them down as we cultivate a reality of safety for ourselves, but if I hadn’t used in the way I had, I don’t know if I would have survived a lot of what I have been through.

For my celebration around five years sober I want to remind all of us that even if your narrative doesn’t match literature or understanding or mainstream conversations about it, to please please please tune in and listen to yourself. Ultimately, you know what is best for you and it is so important to trust that. Seek knowledge and support, but do not be afraid if what you find outside of you does not resonate. You are allowed to support yourself and pave your own path and free yourself in this way. I believe you. I trust you. I support you.

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A five year sober present I gave myself–A Course in Miracles tattoo. 🙂

Thank you for being with me on this path! So much love to all of you. xx

Erin

New Moon in Scorpio October 2016

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Happy last day of October 2016 (two months left in the year!) and Happy New Moon in Scorpio! This is a very beautiful and bountiful time as we can see visible changes in the seasons around us, as transition from fall to winter or spring to summer, depending which hemisphere you live in. What a beautiful gift in terms of trusting the cycles to always bring us back to what is familiar, even if it has to “leave” for a bit.

In terms of astrological energy, Scorpio is one of the most intense signs. It is typically associated with the energies of control and dominance, of intensity and no bullshit. We may have been taught to be scared of these words, but there is no need. Scorpio embodies these words and also holds the space of incredible sexiness and incredible divine femininity. Even though these energeries can seem opposing, they all fold into each other and work beautifully to give us lovely clarity and pure access to higher self wisdom.

If you are going through an intense time with this moon, trust that you are releasing that which no longer serves you in order to make room for that which will serve and that which you have asked for. Initial hardship does not mean permanent hardship.

Today’s reflective questions:

  1. We know Scorpio energy is associated with control. What do you feel controlled by in your life? In what ways?
  2. Now that you have identified what you feel controlled by, you can use powerful Scorpio energy to transmute this powerless feeling. How can you transform what you wrote for number one into a more loving and balanced relationship? If you are too blocked to answer this question, try this one: What is the ideal relationship with that you feel is controlling you right now? Of course, you are welcome to answer both. 🙂
  3. The sexy/sexual/divine feminine energy of Scorpio cannot be denied and this provides us an amazing opportunity to get clear about our own definitions and blocks in this area for ourselves. What does sexy mean to you? How can you be more sexy in your own life? Please note this can but definitely does not have to do anything with sex. 😉
  4. A large part of being sexy is being confident and owning your energy and not apologizing for it. For this question: what do you want? Own it. Know you will get it. PS: What you truly desire is usually one step past what you are comfortable asking for 😉 Once you list what you want, rewrite your wants into present tense affirmations so that you can activate the energy of having, not wanting. For example: “I want perfect health,” can become, “I am perfectly healthy, whole, and sound.”

Blessings to you! Wishing you release and clarity, you sexy beings. Happy New Moon!!

All my love xx

Erin

New Moon in Libra September 2016

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Happy New Moon in Libra! Today’s New Moon is also known as the Black Moon because it is the second new moon in a month!!! What a beauty thing that is real and we get to witness. 🙂 This new moon also falls in the sign of Libra, so themes of balance and relationship are present.

In spiritual realm, black energy is typically associated with dark energy. Most of us have been taught that black/dark energy is bad, but guess what? It’s not. It is simply energy that is strong and sturdy and non-bending and offers us a beautiful perspective, should we choose to accept it. This Black New Moon is also typically associated with Goddesses who are given a bad name because they stand their ground and do not bend to outer pressure–and everyone knows if you are a woman and do whatever you want, you are definitely going to get shit-talked for holding your boundaries. Two of these Goddesses that this relates to are Lillith and Kali.

Not only this, but September was the 9th month of this 9 year (2016–2+0+1+6), and the number 9 is all about cycles ending and closing and changing. Plus…we had the 999 portals and we had the eclipses. A LOT of energy coming and going and changing and shifting. If you feel like you WENT THROUGH some shit…you’re not alone. 😉

Finally, we bring in the energy of Libra. Libra is the scales of justice. Of balance. Of relationships. Beautiful, beautiful Libra–reminding us how to balance the balance. 🙂 Today’s reflective questions are:

1. What did you let go of in the month of September?

2. If you didn’t get a clear answer right away for number one, what counts as “letting go” for you? We let go of so much every single day, so what is the block to recognizing here? This is not about shame but just bringing it to the light. If you did get a clear answer for number one, hold this again. Now, sometimes we let something go but we didn’t truly acknowledge it because we didn’t notice it was gone. Therefore, to seal this energy closed, what do you want to say to what you let go of? No wrong answers–any and all feelings and reactions are welcome. 🙂

3. Bringing in the Libra energy of balance, what is an area of your life you feel you need to bring balance into? After all this letting go, our energy may be out of whack and now is a time to correct it. If you’re not sure, an easy way to get clear about this is to bring awareness to an area of your life where you currently get annoyed easily. For example, if you get annoyed every time you see an ad to join a gym or eat healthier, you are most likely ignoring your physical health. Everything is a mirror!

4. What are four boundaries you want to implement for October? Remember, boundaries do not make you a malicious person. They are necessary to keep you vibrating at your highest potential, and you are deserving of this always!!

Happy New Moon!! Remember, you can always email me at contactEEW@gmail.com to set up a private session where we go through these questions together or for private coaching in general.

Love you!!!!

xx

Erin

What Counts As Trauma ??

We are on Earth to feel good. To be our best selves. To understand, with clarity and ease, how abundant and full this life is. So what happens? Why can’t we do this? The short answer is…trauma. Various forms of trauma enter into our lives and they block us and we shut down because our pain body gets activated.

When this happens and we enter a low-vibrational moment of life, our egos are quick to judge ourselves and then we can shut down even further. However, the good news is with this, that we always have the power to move past thing once we move into allowing. Before we can get to allowing, we need to understand the ways in which we are blocking ourselves but not accepting whatever we are feeling is trauma.

So…what counts as trauma? When am I over-reacting and when am I right? At which situations do I feel valid and which ones I don’t? How can I move through this with ease and grace? Watch today’s video for some insights and clarity. 🙂 Sending you all the love and abundance in the world. I hope this serves you.

xx

Erin

 

Black Lives (Still) Matter

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This week there were two more killings of unarmed black men in the United States: Terence Crutcher and Tyree King. Unfortunately, this is not new for the United States.

If you follow me at all, you know I exist in the very “radical” space of believing all bodies are worthy of living safely and peacefully in this realm. If you follow me at all and are white, I’m sure you also identify as non-racist. Which is great! Except for the fact that being a white, United States citizen means we are racist by default because of all that we have access to and the privilege of being white based on the systems of power that are currently in place.

But, again, if you’re following me, you probably already know that. Which is great! Now the next place your mind probably went is: “I’m not like other white people—I get it, I’m already doing my work.” And, you know what? You probably are! Or maybe the narrative that you don’t want to wish violence upon cops is coming up too…guess what I don’t want that either.

But the killings of unarmed Black people in the United States is and always has been out of control. Where did your mind go after that sentence?

Try not to spiral out of control with that thought and everything else that your ego implies and attaches to it. Come back here and just read that sentence as a fact. Because it is.

The next question is…what do we do to move past that? What can white people do in your/our/my individual lives (no matter where you’re/we’re/I’m at in your understanding of racial relations)? What can I do knowing that I will never “graduate” past needing to show up and interrupt all the ways white violence shows up in emotional and physical ways–regardless of how much I believe I personally am not a racist/contributing to racial oppression? What does the word “racist” trigger in me that I cannot go there emotionally? How can I examine myself? In a way that is not debilitating with shame or guilt? What is next for me in my own personal life? How can I continue to unlearn and be better? Read more? Talk to my white friends about being white? Use google (and not asking a Black person to give me an education) to teach myself some things? Call in more compassion for myself and others as I move through this? Sign a petition? Call my government? Something else? Note: answers can and will vary. 🙂

As usual, #BlackLivesMatter today and every day. Sending peace and blessings and healing to everyone. Love you all!!! ♥️♥️

Full Moon in Pisces September 2016

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Happy Full Moon in Pisces and happy Lunar Eclipse!! The watery, emotional energy of Pisces is in full effect, and as we are in eclipse season, any astrological energy is intensified. No worries though–no astrological anything is stronger than what you decide about yourself and your life; astrology is insights and awareness, not definite truths.

Today’s full moon is also known as the Harvest Moon, as it is the full moon that takes place closest to the Equinox, which occurs on September 22. The Equinox is associated with seasons changing in the physical realm and on Earth, the end of one season and transition into another. Since us beautiful humans are also part of Earth, our own bodies are also preparing for the seasonal change and cycle within us and our own energies.

Pisces energy is very, very emotional. Not just in a “negative” way–they are very tuned in to the other realms and least attached to what is happening in physical reality. They are the dreamers of the zodiac–not in a, “What are your dreams?” way, but more of a, “I can see other realms and this is how and what it feels like,” way. Combine this with the third and final of the three eclipses we have been having and we are in for some major insights. Today we have a lunar eclipse, typically associated with endings. The ending that is brought about with this eclipse paves way for the new energy pulled into our awareness by Pisces moon to enter and be held by us. Since the Universe is always looking out for us, the Virgo sun energy we are in still allows us to be grounded enough to take action and make this new vision part of our reality.

All of that sounds so lovely, doesn’t it?! What a beautiful combination. 🙂 Here are today’s reflective questions:

  1. Pisces energy is constantly in emotional dream land. Not in a negative way, but in a higher realms, truth, dreamy way. What is new to you into your energy field? What is the awareness or theme Pisces has brought to your attention and is now being held in the new moonlight with new eyes, clean energy?
  2. With this new awareness being brought to the light, we can sometimes feel an immediate rush to do something (or a freezing because we are so overwhelmed by the rush). However, as you can see above, today I need to remind you: “We have so much time. We have every lifetime.” There is no need to rush. You are going at the exact perfect pace you need to. With this, what feels like now or never for you? Why?
  3. As a perfect balance to Pisces energy, we are still in Virgo sun, which is to go-getter, baby! Looking at what you wrote for number 3, what are the action steps you need to take? By the way, this could or could not have anything to do with your new awareness. Sometimes when we focus on cleaning up our energy in another area of our life, the clarity moves over to the other areas.
  4. As mentioned in the beginning of my blog post, today is the third and final of the three eclipses we have gone through. Holding holy number 3, we have three months left in 2016 after September closes out. Where were you in three months of this year (March, June, September)? What has happened since? Where has your biggest growth been? How do you want to continue or alter this path for the last 3 months? Remember: you can do or be whatever you want!

Happy Full Moon, everyone! I love you dearly! Remember, you can always email me at contactEEW@gmail.com to set up a private session where we go through these questions together or for private coaching in general. Go out there in that moon today if you can!

Peace and blessings,

xx

Erin

On the Illusion of Frustration with Patience and Waiting

If you are like me (aka a human), and you have ever wanted something, you know that we have to wait for it. One second, one minute, one year, one lifetime. If you are also like me (aka an alien), you know that there exists a place where linear time is not real and waiting is, therefore, not real.

Now, on Earth, there are things we wait for that we don’t mind or notice we are waiting for. However, when the waiting is connected to our worth or we have given our personal power away to it or we are attached to the outcome of it, this is when we feel frustration and anxiety in the waiting. Which is all ego, of course, by the way.

In today’s video, I will give you a bit of info breaking down the false pain associated with waiting and some ways to move through the process with more ease and trust. I hope this serves you. 🙂

Blessings to you and yours,

xx

Erin

New Moon in Virgo September 2016

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We are now in the 9th month of a 9 year (2+0+1+6=9). 9 is the number of closing and wrapping up, of releasing and ending. Combo that with the eclipse that we are having today AND the New Moon and the message couldn’t be more clear: the pain you are going through right now is necessary releasing. If you want the abundance and peace narrative to be able to enter your life, you must be willing to go through the pain that is the leaving of the lack and chaos narrative. None of it is in vain! I can promise you this.

Eclipses push us to the end of a cycle. Depending on where you are at with your specific energy, this may feel like a mild case of letting go…but more likely with everything happening this may feel like the most fucking intense letting go you’ve ever done 😉 But guess what? You’re alive, and as long as you’re alive everything is okay!! Promise.

Okay so, 9 year, eclipse, New Moon in Virgo, and mercury retrograde…how can we best utilize this energy to our advantage? 9 year: we know something is closing; eclipse: we are on the brink of it closing; New Moon in Virgo: we have the hard-working and dilligent energy of Virgo to help close it; mercury retrograde: we are given ample time to go inward to see how we can best close it.

Today’s reflective questions!:

  1. What’s coming up for you that you need to close? How have you given away your personal power by blaming Mercury Retrograde for where you’re at?
  2. What is your role in what you wrote for number 1? What do you need to do to release this role that is not serving you? (Note: sometimes the role is as simple as still holding the energy for longer than you need to be.)
  3. Virgo works hard af. Like actually the hardest. Eclipses are like, really though, this is the end. So what do you need to change? What do you need to be or do different?
  4. How does what you wrote for taking responsibility for yourself and what you need to differently link? How do they connect? What is the lesson for you? Right now and also more broadly?

Because we are in 9-9, I also recommend writing intention for this month! Super powerful. Lastly, I need to tell you that Mercury Retrograde is not a curse; do not project unnecessary fear onto your life during this time. Use it as a blessing to dip into the infinite oasis that is you(r soul).

I love you deeply and dearly!

xx

Erin

The Holiness That Is Our Spiritual Wounding

We are on Earth to heal. And we are on Earth to feel. And we are on Earth to purge every spot of false lie that we are not enough and that we are somehow a fault of creation or that we are anything besides unconditional love. On the soul level we know this, but because we also have a body that has to live in Earth reality, the dense emotions of pain, jealousy, abandonment, and loss also live within us.

Most of us have been brought up with the teachings that these emotions need to be avoided at all costs. That these emotions and the spiritual wounding they are connected to are somehow more powerful than us and can somehow control us more than the desire to transcend them. This is false. Our spiritual wounding is one of the holiest gifts we are given on Earth. It is never only to punish us or make us doubt ourselves. It is only to allow us to learn our lessons and to connect with those who hold the same wounds as us and wish to transcend them with us.

Our wounds are a gift from Thee Most High to teach us the lessons we are must stubborn about and have the hardest time allowing ourselves to learn. The sooner you are able to move your ego out of the way and believe and trust in this, the sooner you will be free. Okay, so, kinda buy it but kinda don’t? Check out today’s video where I break it down even further:

Love you!! Great job always 🙂

xx

Erin